You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
