Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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