You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
