one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
