Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
