You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
