Someone shit on the floor
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
