As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
this just has baby written all over it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize