dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
