It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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