He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
