It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
