sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
