somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
