Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
