Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
