So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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