My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
