dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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