My cat gives me a boner
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
