Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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