are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
