Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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