Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
