the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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