Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
