Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
