I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
