somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it hurts more in the daytime
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
