i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize