Jerry, you need to find god
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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