Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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