I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
