did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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