never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
