I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
