Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
