My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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