He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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