To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
