so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
