you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
