Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
