i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
