i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
