yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
