Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
