dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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