He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
