told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
