He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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