Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
