when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
