She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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