I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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