Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just had sex on a roof
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
