After last night, I could never be a politician.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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