I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
