Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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