Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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