New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
