Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
