I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize