I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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