Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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