He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
