I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
