Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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