forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
