member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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