last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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