the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
