I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
