i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
