So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
