I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
