I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
be right there i have to get my cape
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
