The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
