i think i have herpe
just one?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
