I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I could fuck to npr.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My breath smells like gin and sadness
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
