i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
