I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
