this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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