i already hear my dad disowning me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
