dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He better not be in your backpack
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
