everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And then he peed in my hair
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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