my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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