Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
