Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
