girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
