you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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