Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
