Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
