But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
