Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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