So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
