Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
