imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
