Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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