you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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