Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
