Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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