My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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