Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
