i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
