So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
