so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
where does the pee come out of this thing
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
