ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Quick, to the slutcave!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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