Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
