How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
please come you make the beer taste better
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
