i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize