Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
