I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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