So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
